Life after infertility

When I was pregnant with the twins I wondered how I’d feel as a new mom:

After waiting and hoping for these babies for so long, would getting up in the middle of the night feel like a chore?
How would my relationship with my husband change?
Would I feel like I wanted help? Or would I be able to do it all on my own?
What would it feel like being a mom after infertility?
Would the babies bring the joy that I hoped for?
Would I do anything different?

Now that it’s been 5.5 months since I’ve given birth, I can now answer these questions! (I’ve always strived to be real in my blog, so I am hoping my honesty doesn’t offend anyone)

I remember potty training my dog when he was a puppy and thought it might be the same. I was so wrong. In the beginning, getting up in the middle of the night was downright painful because I’d get 45 minute stretches of sleep. Getting up didn’t feel like a chore, but it was certainly painful.

There’s some statistic that parents of multiples are more likely to divorce. And now… I can see why! Sleep depravation, crying babies and differing parental views make for a stressful mix.

Next on the list of questions was help. I didn’t know if I wanted help. I realize now how stupid this was. These days, I am thankful if I’m given the go ahead to take a shower. I have been by myself with the babies for no more than 48 hours since they’ve arrived home (they’re 5.5 months now!)

Life after infertility has been a mix of feeling like I’m any other mom, and moments of profound awe. There are moments where I feel guilty because I am not present enough for the twins. There was a day when I was crying to a friend saying that I just needed a break. Visiting friends often say things like “don’t you think it’s all gone by so fast?” and to be honest, I have no insight yet about time, it’s fast and slow all at the same time.

And finally, have the babies brought the joy that I thought they would. And the answer is yes. When I spoke of having kids one day, it was Evan and Lauren who I was referring to. When I prayed for babies, it was these two. Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

Miracles do happen.

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10 thoughts on “Life after infertility

  1. This so could have been my post…thanks for writing it as I don’t seem to find time for anything anymore since the birth of my little bundle of joy…lol. Your kids look so cute!

  2. Heartiest Congratulations Jenn! Evan and Lauren are surely your gift from the Almighty, answers to your heartfelt prayers. The pictures are beautiful. Its always good to read your posts. I can connect with you at most stages. I am yet to deliver my twins too. This post of yours has really got me wondering too about how things will change. But we all so wanted it. Its all worth it in the end. That moment when the children are happy and kicking away 🙂

  3. Congratulations to you! I just wanted to let you know that your blog has been a real source of encouragement to me. Over the course of 4 years, I went through multiple IUIs, 3 IVFs, thyroid issues, and multiple surgeries. I’m 33 weeks with twins and expecting them sometime next month. I’m hoping they’ll be happy and healthy like Evan Lauren.

  4. Dear Jenn, I am so happy for you!! can’t thank you enough for your blog. It has given me inspiration and hope when it was most needed. I have a question for you: Which fertility clinic did you use? My husband and I would like to change clinics. Please feel free to answer via email to keep this information confidential. Again, than you so much. I have learned more from you than by any of the endocrinologists we have seen in the past. Much Love – and enjoy every day with your beautiful children!

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